I love Alan’s writing—his eloquent style, his emotional depth that somehow manages to be both painfully raw and beautifully delicate at the same time, and his big as life characters.
But I’m also gaga over the man himself, Alan Chin. As I’ve come to know him over time, I’ve often found myself smiling at his gentleness and his…gentlemanliness; but I’ve also seen his fierce side when he feels called to fight injustices.
I specifically requested him to share with us his thoughts on love. One thing I’ve enjoyed about him has been his tone and the obvious tenderness in his words when he speaks of his husband, Herman.
Lucky for us, he obliged. I’m sorry I was not able to post this last week, as that was Herman’s actual birthday, but Alan’s tribute to Herman is just as beautiful today as it was that day.
Have at thee, Alan…
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Happy Birthday My Darling
Written by Alan Chin
Today is my husband’s birthday. Yes, I said husband. Herman and I were married the day after it became legal to wed same-sex couples in California. We are both the same age, 58, both the same build and coloring, and both still in love with each other after being together for seventeen years.
Tonight I am treating Herman to a romantic dinner (yes, even at our advanced age we still enjoy a little romance) at a tapas restaurant that sits only a block from the spot overlooking San Francisco Bay where we first pledged our love for each other.
I’ve been thinking about him all morning, like someone studying a flawless diamond from different angles to fully appreciate the beauty forever locked in the stone. And I’ve been thinking about our relationship, our affection for each other, and what it means to me. I freely admit I’m a romantic—notice I did not say hopeless romantic—but what I’ve discovered is that our love is still developing, moving toward a destination that is richer and more meaningful than what we have now. That is, our love is both growing and deepening as it moves toward an endpoint I have no clue about. Let me describe how I see this, and then determine for yourself if you think such a love is possible, or am I seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.
The affection I give this man is built on a foundation of consummate respect, and I know that it is unequivocally pure. Not that we don’t have our issues, our moments of bickering—we do. I’m talking of our love being pure, not the day-to-day expression of it. More than anything I want Herman to understand that I choose to spend the rest of my life with him because I want, need, simply to be with him each day, not because of social pressures or a piece of paper or to escape loneliness, but because he, more than anything, fills me with happiness. I feel that it is his companionship that gives me the strength and confidence to do all other things in my life.
Our love seems to subsist amongst us as a living, tangible thing, an unbelievable magic that we both know is possible because we occasionally touch its perfection. What we have is what you get when two people surrender completely to each other—a whole, a complete entity. Think about the concept of becoming whole: half of yourself does not cheat or injure or transgress the other half. There is no perception of being anything other than one being.
I know from analyzing my own feelings that what I say for me is true. I must admit I often find myself wondering if Herman feels as deeply as I do. Of course I like to think that he feels even more so, and that he is leading me down a path to that unknown destination I mentioned above.
So ask yourself, is such a love possible? Is it something you have experienced for yourself? Or should I have included the word ‘hopeless’ in front of the word ‘romantic’ above?
Alan Chin
Novels: Island Song, The Lonely War, Match Maker, Butterfly's Child
Short Works: Haji's Exile, Simple Treasures
Screenplays: Daddy’s Money, Simple Treasures, Flying Solo
http://AlanChin.net
http://AlanChinWriter.blogspot.com
14 Comments:
Alan, that is such a beautiful testimonial to your love, and I feel absolutely sure that Herman feels the same way. When I had dinner with the two of you, your love for one another was a palpable presence at the table. You inspire my admiration and, frankly, this old hermit's envy.
And as you know, I love you both.
Oh my, that's simply beautiful. Happy belated birthday to Herman, and I wish you many more years of happiness together.
I would not add hopeless, Alan. I think love, the way you describe it, the way I think it exists in my own marriage, is bigger than the people involved. It's something created and new and spectacular, and definitely worth celebrating. Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful bit of yourself aand your love with us.
Jaime
I'll just chime in with the rest, Alan.
Well, what more can I say except that what the others are saying is what my heart feels about your love and your relationship with Herman.
Thank you for honoring me with this beauty!
Hugs to you!
To possess talent is a gift. To have a partner with whom to share one's life is a blessing. But to have both.......
Sigh.
Thanks, Carol. Thanks, Alan.
Such a beautiful love song you two are! Thank you for sharing Herman with us, Alex. It is so refreshing to hear a man say, I WANT to and GET to love you, not I HAVE to love you.
And McCarol, thank you for opening up your heart and blog to this great story.
Many, many happy returns Herman.
Tom
Happy belated birthday to Herman and I would say you're a very hopeful romantic. Thank you for sharing your delight with us.
Happy Belated Birthday Herman. I hope that you and Alan have several more decades to further deepen and enrich your love for one another.
Alan, you have a lovely way of reaching to the heart of your characters and your own feelings.
Bless you both.
Susie B.
May you have many more years together.
What a wonderfully touching tribute to your husband and your relationship, Alan. May you have long lives together. Happy belated birthday to him.
Many happy future birthday's! May you have many, many in store for you. Isn't life wonderful with the one you love? Yes it is ;)
Happy belated birthday to Herman and my best to you! May your relationship continue to grow and flourish.
That was so beautiful and moving. I love the photograph of you and Herman, the love you have for each other shines from it. I wish for you and Herman to have many more years of love and happiness.
Your books and the way you write of love and relationships is a reflection of the love and happiness that you have attained with Herman. congratulations to you both.
58 is a wonderful age to be wed. Congratulations, Alan. I'm very pleased to meet you.
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