Friday, 25 February 2011

I Now Pronounce You Man and....

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

Over the years, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut on so many subjects. Not because I have no opinions on them, or that I have no feelings about them, but because I’m a poor ‘speaker’. Sometimes I dare to voice my thoughts on an issue, only to embarrass myself with my bumbling sentiment that seems to form itself in my head in one shape, only to spill from my lips in quite another, more twisted form.

Recently on an authors’ loop, the subject of same-sex marriage surfaced. I listened and listened, and felt the need to comment, to rise up in support of what I think is a social injustice. I DID speak up, but I wasn’t sure the sentiment that issued from my brain made any sense to anyone else.

That frustrated me. This emotion roiling in my head, no way to voice it adequately, not even in the written word.

But someone else—quite unwittingly—painted EXACTLY the picture I wanted to convey, simply by his random comments about his personal life—the LOVE of his personal life, to be precise.

I won’t divulge his name. But I WILL tell you that he talks often of his long-time lover, his husband, and that every time he mentions him, my heart hurts—literally hurts, but in a beautiful way—to hear the passion in his ‘voice’ for this man.

The funny part? He says very little, actually. It’s not his words that strike such a chord in my heart, it’s the depth of love in his tone. It rings so loud and crystal-clear, so deep, so true, so lovely.

I’d be one to say that marriage would not be my cup of tea; but, when I hear this man talk of his husband, I very much think how marriage WOULD be a blessed union if I were lucky enough to find a man who loved me as much as this man loves his husband.

It’s achingly beautiful, it’s poignant, it’s poetry, it’s Shakespeare, E.E. Cummings and The Song of David all mixed into one luscious melody of passion and care.

I’m not fooled for a minute into thinking this man and his husband don’t experience the same angst and marital trials that all couple face. I’m sure he does. But, even within the limited bounds of my knowledge of him, I know—beyond a shadow of a doubt—that he and his love see it through, they tough it out together. I just know they do.

If marriage could be like that? Oh, yes, oh, yes, sign me up for holy matrimony! IF, I say IF it can be like that.

The sad thing? According to this fellow author, his marriage is not legal in his state. So, in the eyes of the law, he is not really married.

Go figure.

A man and his lover who share more genuine passion, more true companionship, than most straight couples I know, and THEY aren’t considered ‘marriageable’ in their state. That’s a tragedy. A true tragedy.

When he writes tidbits about his lover, I soak up his words and roll in them like a cat in warm grass. They’re that full of love and devotion.

So, although I can’t verbalize my feelings very well, not in a strong political voice, I can at least use this man as an example to express MY confusion and frustration about a law that would prohibit him from marrying his lover.

My wish to you, this man with the beautiful heart who deserves the same privilege in the law’s eyes as any other couple—hell, maybe even more so—I wish I had the power to change the public eye for you. And for others in your situation. I can’t single-handedly, but I can at least use my lame voice.

Wishing you an eternity of happiness to you and your partner. Your husband.


Rick R. Reed said...

That's beautiful, Carol...and very well put. I'd like to imagine that you're writing about my partner and me, even if you aren't. I think many people will see themselves in your words.

Unknown said...

Carol, once again, what can I say but bravo? For someone who thinks she doesn't do very well at communicating her thoughts...maybe, my dear friend, it is because you think with your heart and that is a very different animal. You make perfect sense to me. I'm proud to call you friend.


Susan said...

Carol, I too have struggle with expressing my thoughts, but honestly, I found your words to be both beautiful and persuasive. It has never made sense to me why anyone would want to block two people in love from getting married. There is enough anger and hate in the world, when there is a chance of fostering love, we should be doing everything we can to encourage it.

Sarah Ballance said...

Awesome words, CZ! I'm in a smushy gushy marriage and heartily wish the same for everyone. The world should celebrate people who find love in the face of so much hate. The haters ... well, they punish themselves with their anger, but hell if they should get to punish everyone else with it, too. You make a great advocate, my friend. ;c)

C. Zampa said...

Hi, Rick, and thank you.
I'm touched by your comment. The sad thing? That anybody has to see themselves in the words at all, if that makes sense. Until the Rip Van Winkle (isn't he the one who slept for so many years) laws wake up, I'll just continue to enjoy hearing about such men and women who love in spite of the prejudice.

C. Zampa said...

Aw, thank you, Jaime. I'm proud to call you friend as well. You'd be surprised how much inspiration to try to express myself I get from you, dear lady.
Hugs to you.

C. Zampa said...

Thank you, Susan. Amen to too much anger and hate.

My life and my families lives this year have had events that have made all of us see how beautiful life and love are.

I keep thinking about Christ in the Bible when he approached the possessed man. Instead of condemning and casting some exorcism on the man, he kissed him. And the demons fled the man's body. LOVE and KINDNESS killed the evil. Now perhaps that's just a parable to some. I don't think so. It was a lesson.

Thanks for your thoughts, Susan.

C. Zampa said...

Sarah, my friend, thanks. Yes, you are a gushy mushy marriage lover, and a lover of life. And you are SO right. If haters have to hate, then let them keep it to themselves, not punish others who just want to...BE.

Hugs and love, my friend.

Natalie Dae said...

Ah, said as I would like to have said it, my dear.

And over the years as I lurked on groups or ones where I spoke out, Rick Reed was the man for me who stood out above all others as loving his man unconditionally. I've said many an "Aww" to myself reading his words.


C. Zampa said...

What's sad is how many are in this category. So many same-sex partnerships are the strongest, most devoted relationships of any I've ever known (well, outside you and P), and I marvel at their endurance, against such odds. And it just should never be so.

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

Honestly, you express yourself beautifully. I'm in awe that you don't realize that. I was spellbound by this post. I felt the love of these two men and understood exactly what you wanted me to. That is a gift, kiddo!

C. Zampa said...

Thank you, Joylene. I suppose on something so vital, I feel inadequate in addressing it. Your words mean so much to me. Always have. Again, thank you.